your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
