Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize