Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
