So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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