"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
