I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
