Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
