just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
