i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
