he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
