Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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