Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
