we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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