I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
