...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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