it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
