I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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