When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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