and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
