I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
