i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
