in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
