new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
