I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
