Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
