I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
