hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
