If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize