i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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