Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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