the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
