it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
