just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize