he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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