Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize