i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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