just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
