also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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