carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
