im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
