You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
