i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize