you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
