Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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