btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
