So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
