You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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