she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
