I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
