there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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