i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
