I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
