i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
