i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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