Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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