Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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