It's just like the Real World with babies
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
