Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
