I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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