the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
