so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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