guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
