theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
