True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize