I can tuck mytits in my pants
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
