If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
