I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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