U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
