Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't deserve a penis
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
