I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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