Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
