i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
