The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
