hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
