can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
