KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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