I have demons in me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize