We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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