Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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