So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i barfeds in our rink
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
