Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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