If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
