I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize